Well!  I guess I was wrong.  I was sure nobody must be checking in anymore since I haven't posted in so long.  It touches me that you still are. 

 

So what's been going on with us.  Let's see.  I know I've been saying forever that Sam continues to get more "present" and more aware.  He still is - he squirms more, vocalizes more, and just generally reacts more.  A few weeks ago, we were visiting friends and kids and just having a nice evening.  Sam and Ben and I had to leave, and since the weather was kicking up I just hurried out the door with Sam in my arms.  Wrong move.  Since he WILL NOT be ignored, he had a complete screaming and crying fit in the car.  I got Robin to come out and say goodbye, and as soon as she started talking to him and said goodbye, he was fine. 

 

Those things - those "I'm in here - do what you're supposed to" things - keep me on my toes.  A few weeks ago, our pastor was on vacation and the pastor who was filling in didn't realize that Sam gets communion.  He just gave him a blessing, and since I thought Sam was asleep and I didn't want to cause a fuss anyway, I just took communion myself and went back to our seats.  Well, mister got  in a snit and screamed the whole way back when he realized that he was being "overlooked".  Screamed and screamed. 

 

I'm just overwhelmed with how much time ABR therapy takes.  Ideally, I'd do it 5 to 7 hours a day, but that's pretty impossible.  We get about 4 hours in, and I perseverate over the hours I'm NOT doing.  It also doesn't address his cognitive issues - namely, how to get him "out" of there - but the hyperbaric oxygen should help with that, I hope and pray.  We've also been talking a little bit about sending him to school; I'm just so afraid of what will happen to him if I'm not right there.  I can't imagine finding a nurse I would trust with him, and I'm terrified of what might happen.  But maybe there's something there he's missing out on?  Maybe he'd like it?

 

I know, I know, everybody stresses over what to do about their kids.  The thing is, our issues aren't more important, but they are more pressing.  I just feel this giant clock ticking every day, and I'm in a panic to DO SOMETHING all the time. 

 

Sheesh.  All right.  Enough of that. 

 

Sam is really doing well.  I think the hyperbaric oxygen is making a difference for him; I'd love to do it more often.  And we're going every day!  Last week, we didn't go because Ben and I had vacation Bible school.  It was a great diversion for me, to put myself into something other than therapy for a few hours a day, and Sam and Nana got to spend the days together without me. I still felt awful about missing his appointments, but apparently, I am just one person and that's the way it goes.  Harumph.

So I'm sure nobody is even checking this anymore.  My heart just stopped being in it anymore, but I do know and do appreciate that there are lots of people who check in from time to time. 

 

Anyway, Sam continues to do well.  He is strong, he is healthy, he is madder than hell most of the time, but physically, he is great, I guess.  I so desperately want a smile, that's all I focus on much of the time, but he's doing just fine.