Well oh my goodness I can't believe I have neglected to fill everyone in on what is probably the most significant change
in our household in a very long time. As most of you know, Sam has never slept more than two feet away from me, pretty
much since he was born. There were a few nights that we had nursing, and some nights in the hospital that I trusted
their nurses enough to come home for the night (not many, and when I did come home, I called a LOT), but generally, I've been
with him. For a few years, I slept on a 3-inch foam mat on the floor next to his crib. Then I would move his crib
into the living room, and sleep on the couch next to it. Then we moved the crib next to our bedroom door, where I slept
with the bed almost at the door so I was practically nose to nose with him.
(Please know I am using the term "slept" very loosely. I don't think I've actually done that in a very long time.)
After that, my dad built Sam a bed out of a dining room table - seriously! - and we put a mat on top of it, so he could
sleep smackdab next to me, but I could sleep in my actual bed. We had his bed next to our bed, so I could tend
to him in the night, and then in the morning I "crab-walked" out of bed.
And here we are. The day before Sam's birthday, I moved his bed into Ben's room - where he should have been
all along, if our life had gone according to plan. Ben couldn't have been happier - I swear I have
been astonished all along at the fact that there is no resentment or jealousy there. If anyone has a reason
to be jealous of all the attention his brother gets, it's Ben. We work hard not to EVER say "we can't because of Sam"
but he knows that it is so often the case. But he adores Sam, wants to take care of him, wants to show him off - couldn't
be prouder.
But I ramble. (And I intend to ramble more, actually.) Sam actually moves quite a bit in his sleep - his
eyes shut tightly, he squirms and wiggles, stretches and rolls - I really truly hate for him to wake up and lose that
freedom.
Our house is very small, and Sam is actually not more than 6 feet away from me now - he's directly on the other side
of the wall that his bed was against before. And the pulse-oximeter monitor that is attached to his toe at night has
a long enough lead that the actual monitor is still in our room, so we know if his oxygen level drops or heartrate skyrockets.
Haven't you always thought how UNBELIEVABLY GOOD it feels to stretch and move and get all the kinks out and strech some
more??? Kills me that he can't get that whenever he wants. Kills me.
So to make a long story longer, Sam moved into Ben's room and it's been completely uneventful. YAY. Uneventful
is the favorite word of parents with special kids, I think. Sheesh - who wants to be normal, average, run of the mill,
blase? We do. I do. Desperately.
I don't know for sure that I get any more sleep than I ever did, because I get up every hour in the night anyway
to check on Sam. Sometimes I find him in awkward and uncomfortable positions that I could have prevented
if I had been right next to him, but I try to tell myself it's good for him to move and try to correct things like that.
And sometime's he covered in snot and angry, and I wonder what I was thinking.
But sometimes, SOMETIMES, I go in and find Ben has crawled into Sam's bed with him and is telilng him a story of some
sort, rubbing his head, showing him the stars on the ceiling.
And then - I get the slightest bit of peace and a glimpse of things as they should be. For just a brief
moment.
