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- I've stopped ignoring my instincts
- For a few weeks before Sam was born, I had this overwhelming feeling that I was going to die during delivery and Sam was
going to be sick. (It was overwhelming to the point that I was imagining who would be raising Ben.) I just thought
that was crazy and kept it to myself. Doesn't seem so crazy in retrospect.
- Once I woke up from delivery, I didn't believe what they were telling me about Sam. I know it was trauma, but I
also remember a feeling of calm, and something telling me it was all going to be all right.
- Since the first days of Sam's life, I've had this feeling that we were going to have a terrible two years, but after that
he'd be okay. In the hospital, my mom came to me and said she thought it was going to take two years, but he'd be okay.
A friend came to visit, saying she'd give him two years to catch up, but he'd be okay. God speaks to all of us, through
all of us, and I believe that's what he's telling me
- "God has a plan for him; he's going to be okay"
- I know I've mentioned this before, but the number of people who said that exact phrase to me in the days and months after
Sam was born is just overwhelming. Strangers in elevators, nurses, relatives I hadn't heard from. Just so many
people, and always those exact same words.
- So many people
- There are just so many people who have reached out to help us and pray for Sam. People I never really knew before
and people we still haven't met have reached out through emails, prayers, and support. For a little guy who won't smile,
he's touched a lot of hearts.
- For every idiot who's said something cruel or hurtful, there have been 100 people who have been kind and loving.
- God keeps his promises
- I don't think I need to explain that one
- Despite the odds
- Sam is still here and astonishingly healthy. What I've found in my research is that these children normally just
don't survive at all. I believe we survived for a reason; clearly Sam's not done yet. He's bossier and bossier
by the minute, and he knows how to manipulate everyone. But oh, the story he'll have to tell one day.
- Ben
- At some point every day, something catches me off guard and reminds me of the "wrongness" of all of this. And so
I fall apart. I try to keep it to myself, but whenever Ben catches me, he hugs me and says "Don't worry Mommy; God's healing
him." How could anyone doubt that?
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